How’s it going?

It’s been a week since this process began.  It’s been, well, rather easy.

My toughest day was today though.  I thought just wanting to forget would be enough to make me change my mind.  But today’s events, one for my history book.  I endured and triumphed.  Then collapsed and shutdown.  Only to rest though.  To just stop.

Not just metaphorically, to move on.  But actually.  When my experience went from mere frustration to outright anger, I cried.  I was sad that things are the way they are, this is often for me.  I feel so deeply, so strongly.  I want the world to be a better place.  I want humanity to realize its own hand in its suffering.  Why won’t they just wake up?  If they’d just realize this, most of what people endure, every     single     day, would be gone.  Mostly.  Not absolutely.  It could be far removed from what is thought of as ‘reality’ to most.

So, why don’t we?  I think it’s that we spend so much time trying to forget, that  we forget what it is that we are doing it for.  How did it start?  Why do we continue.?

Because no one thinks to just stop.  Stopping requires personal responsibility.  Taking ownership of not only our actions, but our choices.  Our desires, expectations.  Mostly our feelings.  That’s where I found my greatest hill to climb.  My Everest.  How dare these ‘feels’ get in the way of my productive life.  Ruining my bullet journal’s points of action and disrupting my path to victory.  ‘I’ll be happy then,’ they say.

But it hurts right now.  I know, I’m fully aware of it.

***********************************************************************

Notes:

I find myself writing this late at night.  When I’m not able to stay asleep, usually after waking up in the night.  It’s not insomnia, but perhaps the energy of the globe that keeps me from slumber.  I write at this hour because I find I can do so without thought, or judgment from my own criticism.  Which I have more than plenty enough of.  As I reread this I see that I’m inspired by slam poetry in it’s flow.  I write with the desire to express something that’s precious to my soul in a way that doesn’t betray its message.  As such, I sincerely look for feedback on this.  I do not ‘want’ to be a writer, but have a family of them.  It seems like I’m the only one who didn’t inherit this gift.  That’s why I do it.  Because it’s not something I try very hard at, but can’t stop myself from doing.  I need it as I need every other form of expression that comes to me through inspiration.  I need it because someone else might actually see what I’m doing and find something in it that I cannot.   If you have the time to offer assistance in my prose, I appreciate what you can offer.  Please be gentle, as I’ve no training or educated knowledge, only desire and will to do so.  Thank you friend.  For taking the time to read and share with me.

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2 comments

  1. Robert Mitchell · June 21, 2016

    Since what began? I like following your poetical and prose ramblings, but I have to admit I’m behind in my reading. So I went back and read the previous post and still can’t follow…

    Like

    • tiffheartstea · October 5

      I finally reread this and I guess it’s a beginning of the new. Of living life authentically, free from hiding behind an imposed veil of ignorance either consciously or by substance. That helpful?
      I wrote it thinking I’d have something of documentation of my process. But as with most things, I found my life’s path did not maintain a straight line, and it didn’t progress further.

      Like

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