The other brother….An Introduction

Of sorts…  This is about the middle brother.  His story is one I’m feeling strongly that needs to be shared.  Why?  Because I want to tell it.  It feels better to express what is fiction that mirrors reality, and let this energy be.  But that’s a bit ‘out there’ sounding, let me try again…

He’s disenfranchised because he has enough, but not enough.  Under achiever extraordinaire, able to ignore viable opportunities handed to him with one glance.  A knack for disruption, that even motorcyclists with modified exhaust can’t beat!

How does he manage to do it?  I’ve no fucking idea.  That’s what this is about, the exploration of this character.  Who, What…You know, things you’d want to know about ‘another’ person.

Perhaps this will get deep.  Maybe he’s deep…

Or not.  That could be too.

Ah well, there you are, an introduction.  Of sorts.



This is dedicated to you, middle brother.  Cheers to the adventure we will take as we hike the hills of life and living.  For, in the end,we will both know our worth for it.



Current: Probiotic from food

I freakin’ am in LOVE 💚 with Gut Shot Probiotic.  A probiotic that’s derived from food based cultures, that’s easy to take, nondairy and quickly effective.

I have been drinking the Garlic Dill Pickle flavor and am SO enjoying it, my mouth gets watery just writing this!  It tastes just like a classic dill pickle flavor, without the nasty metal additives.

Gut Shot Dill

Does it work? you ask… For me? Yes!  I am recovering from ‘food born illness’ and have had to take a consistent supply of probiotics daily.  So, I bought some capsules of Jarrow brand and this.  (side note: they both must stay cold, as is generally expected).  I began with the capsules, which I wrote about my experience here.  But the next day, I began the shots.  I’ve now not need the capsules, and can take just this, but not only that, if I need it because I, well, ate too much cereal an hour before bed, just take a shot of this, and my stomach began to ease in discomfort.

I’m a big fan right now, and will definitely be trying the other flavors.


Have you tried this?  What flavor do you enjoy?


Fantod Tarot Pack


Just received my set and can say this was much anticipated!  I absolutely love the work of Edward Gorey, his art being featured on the wonderful PBS show Mystery!.  I was absolutely in love with the show simply for the intro, which eventually just became a love of most things PBS.  So, finding a tarot pack of his making, such a glory!

It’s quite humorous, dark but clever really.


FullSizeRender 3

While it’s not likely one I’ll be going to for divination, I do enjoy thumbing through it when bored, or looking for random inspiration.  Hoping it might serve in that purpose artistically, as I am such a fan of his.  Plus, I think of it as perhaps an insight into the man he was, which is always of great interest to me with people who create wonderful things.


Some of the interpretations of the cards, as you can see, it’s succinct, and has a darker meaning associated.

Would I recommend this pack?  Yes, for Gorey fan, Artist, a gift for a fan of divination through cards, or those who would have a connection to darker symbolism.


Caring for the self

What I need as medicine (in the Shamanic /  native peoples usage), can be very different than what many others need.  As I continue to journey through this life, I’m discovering just how unique my needs are.

Lately, spirit animals and totems have become very important to me.  This isn’t something I would have thought possible.  (Having one much less being able to relate to the experience of it).   The animals have been: Fly, Cockroach, Wasp.  As I allowed for the messages to be as they were, I embarked on my quest for knowledge and found a true treasure for my process that I now am, and will forever be, thankful to becoming aware of.  I even found a card set that encourages and supports this aspect of spiritual engagement.  The level of comfort I feel from this realization turning actualization, is one of great peace and completeness.

Another way I’ve come to find my best medicine: nature, plants specifically.  I’ve always been fond of plants and all that grows, gardening is a medicine I’ve had a long time.  Thank goodness!  Engaging with plants and mother earth, Gaia, pacha mama, in this manner has been of the utmost comfort through out my life.  Most recently, I discovered that my relationship with this would evolve.  I returned from my shamanic retreat, where our group instilled healing and cosmic awareness, 2 weeks ago.  Upon return,  I had a most interesting interaction with one of my favorite plants: cilantro.  It’s not just an herb I absolutely love eating, but growing lots of it has been a goal of mine for years now.  It’s finally happening, I’m proud to report!  I managed to drop seeds all over the place, some fell naturally on their own.  Now, I’ve got all kinds of patches of it growing around our house and in the ‘wild garden’ that was my 1st gardening attempt.


I had been having a very introspective day and felt that being outside, using all my senses other than site, would be very helpful.  As I wandered, I felt the messages of all that surrounded me in nature, coming through.  As I walked, I came upon one of these patches and decided to sit with it, while listening to avid bird calls all around me.  As I sat there, a deep emotional/ thought experience began to bubble up, and as I observed it and my surroundings without judgement or attachment, but mere observation, I noticed a distant feature that was new.  The perfumed essence of the coriander plant became very noticeable.  I’ve begun to realize the ‘suddenly’ noticeable quality of a natural ally, becoming obvious, is sign to me that it is connecting and communing with me.  As I care for the plants, so they care for me.  It was on the shamanic retreat, that I learned to thank the allies in my process and offer then praise for their beauty and qualities.  That was really an awesome lesson to come upon!  (So simple, yet so profound)

The further down my path that I venture, the more I come to that is truly helpful, healing and guiding.  I’m so profoundly thankful that I’m being shown various ways I can engage in my spiritual practice, that aren’t dictated by another, dogma, or alienating.  This practice, I share with all others.  For it is not the details of how we discover ourselves, it’s that we do it so that humanity can align and share what is available in our higher consciousness, together.


Spirituality lock box


A spiritual path, according to me. (Just in case you were wondering about this being my opinion and experience.)
The spiritual path is like walking a journey and finding keys along the way. Keys that are only a part of the combination, that when inserted into the lock, cracks the egg of consciousness open further and further, little by little.

How to find these keys?  Only way to do that is to journey your spiritual experience. Whatever that means to each person. No right or wrong. Some might struggle more because they do not understand they are incongruent with their truth, their actual.  Others struggle off and on through out their process, as it needs to be, for whatever reason.  It’s not that those who are more aware are better.  It’s that through our exchange with the world around us, we alchemize our reality/ experience into a work of art. Becoming the most proficient masters of our own creation.

Truth is universal, every human and being is allowed the experience of the higher self.

This might seem vague, but it’s maybe longer than it need be.

Eyes of Blue


Someone told me the other day that my eyes were really pretty. They looked sparkly and like a deep pool of water being reflected upon.

Wow! That was the best compliment I’ve ever gotten. I’ve always thought peoples eyes to be the possibly most attractive feature on another person. I know that the older people I know whose eyes sparkle, are always people I like and want to know better. I also want them to like me back.

When I sat and contemplated the compliment, not doubting it, or rebutting it, but exploring my experience with it, I found something I’d never realized before and thoroughly embraced right then.

Eyes are window

The time I’ve spent working on myself and my heart, has been a long road, with so many more miles to go.  But it’s a million percent worth the effort and struggle at times.  For the beauty of it all is worth more than life itself.  It’s something I feel and know, but there are times when doubt creeps in and wants to hack up any part of me that can acknowledge that.  That might accept it.  So, when I was again complimented on my eyes, by another person, a few weeks later, I immediately knew it was the signal I needed from the universe, source, my guardian angels, what have you, that I was doing right.  Right by me.  My eyes were the evidence to others to see physically what has been going on inside of me, alchemically as it were.  It’s little things like this that are us receiving the most valuable information from our highest selves.  This information can easily be dismissed or blown away as fluff, but if one takes the time to really allow for the experience and to embody it, we might just realize that the signs we’ve been looking for have been humming their songs to us this whole time, we just chose to pay attention to something else.  Sometimes, anything else.

It’s hard to be with ourselves all the time.  Today, I’m facing a challenge, well challenges of personal struggle of emotions that I wouldn’t ask for, but by being in it and fully experiencing all the nuance of it, I’m facing myself head on.  Not shying away, or denying, pretending I’ve got ‘more important things to do’.  I’ve had to hard correct the notion to myself that I’m not worth my time.  Time that I use to distract from the real deal of my living.  Time I use to deny I need to take it for myself.

Here I am, sparkly eyes and all, going through the muck of life.  Eyes shining, heart glowing, and covered in mud.  I decided I’m not afraid of me, or who I am, or what I need.  I’ll stand strong as the gale force winds approach, for just like a sapling tree, I get stronger the longer I stand firm in the face of adversity.


This feels so familiar



Tiffany Villarreal, 2015

This feeling of nausea and dizziness.  The overwhelming notion that this is all so right, but I must be wrong.  The gift was delivered to the wrong address.  It’s not for me.

But then I was told a story in pictures, sounds, feelings, notions.  I had visions of beauty that told me my truth.  Thoughts and dreams that replaced my heart.  I’ve always been strong, always been right… I’ve always known.  Now, I’m allowing myself to fully realize.